365 days for you

I noted an interesting phenomenon this morning, I woke up at 4:30 who knows why. I felt restless and couldn't go back to sleep. As I lay on my bed I watched lights and shadows dance across my walls. I've noticed this happen many times over the year and a half that I've slept in this particular room. This morning I was curious so I sat up to see what was causing it. A lonely car was traveling the road between Ephraim and Manti as it traveled over the curves of the road the up and down hills of the road created a dancing light effect on my bedroom wall. The car was far enough away that I couldn't even see two distinct headlights, it looked small and insignificant yet it still lit up my darkened room. If a car 5 miles away can cast my shadow on my bedroom wall imagine what our individual light and darkness can do to those we think are out of our reach. When a car is driving down the highway the driver is not concerned about whether or not they are giving enough light fo

Have you ever been driving down the road and inside you feel unsettled? As you drive you begin to realize that you don't even like the music you are listening to, you really don't even like the radio station that you are on. I do this all the time! It's like a weird silent tolerance to things we don't have to put up with simply because it's convenient. I've realized lately that I waste a lot of energy on things I don't care about as well as things that I would rather go without. Back to the radio example, the other day as I drove to work I switched between channels not liking any of the songs that were playing after a lengthy battle of going back and forth between my top 4 saved stations I finally turned the radio off. The remainder of my commute was reflective and I was able to think clearer. Why didn't I do this from the beginning? Probably because I have trained my brain to seek out distraction. Our culture has trained most of us to seek out distrac

     The end of the year and the beginning of the year for me have been a kind of depressing time of life for me lately because I get to the marker of reminding me that once again I did not reach the goals I truly wanted to, nor do I feel like I grew to the extent that I wanted to.      This quarantine has brought on a time of change for me, my family has been trying to exercise more, to become more healthy and fit. I have seen on social media the personal evolutions that many are going through to restore and recenter themselves on things that matter most to them. I made new goals for myself and honestly it has been a really hard process. It's a constant struggle of feeling like I am taking 2 steps forward and then sliding backward over whatever ground I may have gained while hiking the mountain of self-esteem and personal growth.      I imagine many of you are feeling the same, wanting so badly to change to become a better, happier, and healthier version of yourself while at the

     Years ago a professor shared a story with us in one of his lectures. He shared a story of a young boy and his best friend, he and his friend often liked going outside and playing. Oftentimes getting into mischief as is to be expected with boys. Usually, they just liked running around and playing in the dirt and around town as most boys do. One day as they were out playing together they came across a building that had many large wood boxes stacked neatly outside, the boxes were away from the street and out of the way and two young boys looked like the perfect play equipment.       The boys played for hours laughing and enjoying their time out of the house unaware of any nearby danger. Eventually, playtime came to a close and they returned to their houses seemly untouched by any harm that could have befallen them as they were away from the house that day. Days later his friend fell ill, in the days that followed he got worse and passed away.     Later he discovered that the wood b

The past few days it has really hit me how much grief and loss affect each of us in our lives. No matter how much those around us seem to have it all together there is a great chance there is something that they are grieving in their life. In September my family almost lost my mom, she has always struggled with kidney stones and due to some oversight she ended up in the ICU with sepsis. For days I waited at home unable to do anything to help feeling almost crippled by the pain and fear that I might lose her. One night I went up and laid on her bed and wound up a music box and cried. I didn't want my younger brothers to see me completely fall apart so I stayed in my parents room until I had nothing left to cry. My mom recovered and was able to return home, but even now 5 months later there are moments I can still see that she is still healing from the experience. I know looking inward on my heart that I sometimes feel flashes of the fear creep back in, and that in my ow

You don't know me, I don't know you but I want to I don't want to steal your freedom, I don't wanna change your mind I don't have to make you love me, I just wanna take your time -Sam Hunt      I had no way of knowing that the evening of July 22, 2015 would change my life forever. My summer had just died down, I was finished with my summer schooling job at the elementary school that I work at. It had become my goal to fill up as many as my evenings possible, in the fall I was starting school back up as a student at the University of Utah, and I would be working so I knew I wasn't going to have very much time for friends and socializing.     There are several details that lead me to the baseball diamond that night, most of them seeming to being inconsequential. Really the watered down version is that I was not planning on being there that night, I was no longer living in the ward and I don't like watching baseball. But I was there, and that is wha