A garden bursting into life

" Forget what we're told, before we get to old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life." ~Snow Patrol

     When I was a young girl I remember looking out my bedroom window after a rainstorm at our backyard. It was always so beautiful; rain has a way of accenting color and bringing things to life. Everything always looked richer, the bark on the old apple tree has a deep reddish orange tint after rain, the grass was greener, and even the mountains and clouds in the background looked more brilliant. 

     There was something so calming in that sight to me; reassuring even. Knowing that after the hard rainstorms, the hailstorms, the thunder and lightening: knowing that after all of that nature could be resilient and beautiful. Maybe it was the knowledge that, that applied to our lives as well, that after the rainstorms your life could be brilliant.

     Everyone has a garden, a garden full of hopes and dreams. Weeds of doubts fear and every manner of emotion. We choose what we plant and what we pull to keep from growing, much like the weather we have little control over the elements that surround us.

     A while back I started feeling this sensation that life was changing, of course it's always changing, this feeling was different. It was like something was whispering in my ear, telling me to hold on and do my best to enjoy the ride. Feelings like this arise over different times in our lives, but what comes after this feeling we never know; what we feel while going through these moments we could never predict. Ultimately the biggest surprise is who we find ourselves to be when these moments have passed; who we become through the storms and tempests of life is one of the greatest gifts we have been given.

     It is so hard to remember that, to remember that it is a gift to see who we can become in trials and hard times. It's hard to see that those times of struggle and loneliness and sometimes loss are a gift to us. It hard because we have world around us trying to tell us how to feel about our trials and our hardships. We are living in world that tells us that we should become tough, and calloused from trials. The world that we live in would have us believe that the best thing we can do is learn to protect ourselves and build walls to prevent bad things from entering our lives in the future.

    We have been taught so many lies in our lives through media, books, t.v. shows etc. The greatest lie of all though is the lie saying that you will be happier when we keep people at a distance when we keep ourselves "safe" from breaking hearts and vulnerable emotions. The only thing you protect yourself from when you build walls is the beautiful view you have of everything around you; you miss the beautiful sunsets, green fields, and the lilies. You miss the clear streams of water and birds singing in the trees, you miss the breeze that the walls may block from you; literal and metaphorical. Yes guarding yourself and protecting yourself may keep you from feeling like you are being blown away in the storm, but it will also steal from you the simple things in life that make going through the storms worth it. 

    There is one very simple thing that I have learned while going through this experience we call life: vulnerability is one of the greatest gifts that we can give ourselves and others. It is the most painful thing you can afford to give, but the reward you receive in return is heart-stopping. The moments where your heart skips a beat, where your breath catches in your chest: those come when you open yourself to vulnerability. Those moments of honesty and truth and love are worth so much more than the loneliness you feel when you build walls of distrust. 

     Right now in my life it's raining inside and out. I'm overwhelmed; parts of me feel lost while other parts of me feel found. There is a lot coming at me that is catching me completely off guard. The life I am living now is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl looking out that bedroom window. It's not bad though, I am a different person than that little girl gazing out the window. I desire different things and while I know that while the storms rage there is going to be rain, I also have found the depth to realize even storms hold beauty. 

    Sometimes you forget a midst the storms in your life that there even is a garden, but there will come a day when you look out the window of your perceptions and you see in full bloom a beautiful garden, at the center of which is the tree full of blossoms. Those are the moments the storms are worth waiting out, beautiful even. The moments when you see the view that can only be seen after the storm, if only we can just make it through the storm.

     I think there will come a day for each of us that enough rain and tears will fall to clear the dirt, the grime and sleaze of this world away. I think when all of the imperfections are washed away from our eyes we will see before us "a garden bursting into life."