In my last blog post I talked about enjoying, remembering and relishing the details of your life, this has become more and more real to me through out the summer, because the last year of my life has been one of the greatest blessings I have ever received.
Almost exactly one year ago today I was working in retail in a clothing store called DressBarn, contrary to how it sounds they actually have really cute clothes, and despite everything I did like work there. I also knew there was a lot missing in my life. I had fun coworkers, I had some awesome customers that I loved, but I felt pent up and frustrated a majority of the time.
I have always wanted to be a mother, I am LDS so a huge focus in culture and life is the family. I lived about 125 miles from my family and mostly just saw them over Holidays because I didn't have money for the travel back and forth, and I didn't want my parents to feel like they had to pay for the gas. I wasn't dating anybody or even getting close for that matter, I seem to scare men. So really I didn't feel fulfilled by anything in my life.
I had lived in the Avenues in Salt Lake for two years, my last relationship was a year before and to be honest I was terrified to even trying exclusive dating again, I found I would do anything to avoid repeating the previous year, even if it meant becoming a shut in, not really but I starting avoiding people.
A couple months later I took a leap and moved, on whim I didn't know anyone from the area and I had never met my roommates before, I knew they were the same religion as me, and that's basically all. I was taking a leap of faith.
All this time I had been praying for a job that would give the chance to work with children. I just wanted children to be part of my life, even if I couldn't have any of my own. Two weeks after moving through a miraculous set of events I got hired as a Para in Salt Lake School district working with Special Education. It has been one of the greatest blessings of my life, and I have been so grateful for it.
I was offered a management position at DressBarn, which I turned down so that I would have the time and freedom to go back to school. I quit working at DressBarn just after Thanksgiving, I stayed around to help with Black Friday and After Thanksgiving sales than I left and never looked back.
I am still trying to get things straightened out to go back to school, it's kind of a mess but it's worth it, I know that if I didn't back off from school when I did I would have failed my classes, my grades would have plummeted. I would have burned out and never gone back.
The last year in my life has been crazy and surprising and unexpected, but I love it, and it has changed everything. Not only am I going back to school, but I'm excited and I feel inspired by all the things I want to study.
I have a long way to go and for the first time in a long time I'm okay with it, the long road inspires me, instead of making me feel lost and unsure. It's been a long time since I have felt this much of myself. For a while it was like part of me was lost and I didn't even know where to look to find it. Finally I'm finding those parts of me again, and this morning I feel hope for my future.
Maybe this blog was to much detail, but I'm going to start keeping my memories, instead of burying them, if they help me feel alive than I am holding on to them for dear life. Even if no one else cares about your memories, they are vital to who they are and I am realizing more and more just how much I need them. Life is Okay right now and I know it won't always feel this way, so I am going to hold it close and enjoy so I remember these feelings when life doesn't feel okay.
I think it gives you hope to keep going.
Almost exactly one year ago today I was working in retail in a clothing store called DressBarn, contrary to how it sounds they actually have really cute clothes, and despite everything I did like work there. I also knew there was a lot missing in my life. I had fun coworkers, I had some awesome customers that I loved, but I felt pent up and frustrated a majority of the time.
I have always wanted to be a mother, I am LDS so a huge focus in culture and life is the family. I lived about 125 miles from my family and mostly just saw them over Holidays because I didn't have money for the travel back and forth, and I didn't want my parents to feel like they had to pay for the gas. I wasn't dating anybody or even getting close for that matter, I seem to scare men. So really I didn't feel fulfilled by anything in my life.
I had lived in the Avenues in Salt Lake for two years, my last relationship was a year before and to be honest I was terrified to even trying exclusive dating again, I found I would do anything to avoid repeating the previous year, even if it meant becoming a shut in, not really but I starting avoiding people.
A couple months later I took a leap and moved, on whim I didn't know anyone from the area and I had never met my roommates before, I knew they were the same religion as me, and that's basically all. I was taking a leap of faith.
All this time I had been praying for a job that would give the chance to work with children. I just wanted children to be part of my life, even if I couldn't have any of my own. Two weeks after moving through a miraculous set of events I got hired as a Para in Salt Lake School district working with Special Education. It has been one of the greatest blessings of my life, and I have been so grateful for it.
I was offered a management position at DressBarn, which I turned down so that I would have the time and freedom to go back to school. I quit working at DressBarn just after Thanksgiving, I stayed around to help with Black Friday and After Thanksgiving sales than I left and never looked back.
I am still trying to get things straightened out to go back to school, it's kind of a mess but it's worth it, I know that if I didn't back off from school when I did I would have failed my classes, my grades would have plummeted. I would have burned out and never gone back.
The last year in my life has been crazy and surprising and unexpected, but I love it, and it has changed everything. Not only am I going back to school, but I'm excited and I feel inspired by all the things I want to study.
I have a long way to go and for the first time in a long time I'm okay with it, the long road inspires me, instead of making me feel lost and unsure. It's been a long time since I have felt this much of myself. For a while it was like part of me was lost and I didn't even know where to look to find it. Finally I'm finding those parts of me again, and this morning I feel hope for my future.
Maybe this blog was to much detail, but I'm going to start keeping my memories, instead of burying them, if they help me feel alive than I am holding on to them for dear life. Even if no one else cares about your memories, they are vital to who they are and I am realizing more and more just how much I need them. Life is Okay right now and I know it won't always feel this way, so I am going to hold it close and enjoy so I remember these feelings when life doesn't feel okay.
I think it gives you hope to keep going.
Comments
Post a Comment