Over the years I tend to focus on lessons, they are reliable and through all the phases of life they are constant. The lessons themselves are not constantly the same, but they are constantly there. So it's an easy focus, it helps me feel like there is something semi controllable, I may not be able to control what happens around me, but I can control to some degree how much I learn from what happens.
So I never write about details in my blog, or journals really for that matter. If you searched my room you wouldn't really find a journal or anywhere that I write down the details of my life. There is not much to be found written about the places I have lived, where I work, or the people that are in my life. I don't ever talk about the men that have broken my heart, with one exception, when I felt that the lessons learned would be more beneficial to other if they knew the cause of the heart ache. There have been rare occasions when I have given insight on Health issues I have struggled with. But all in all a lot of the details of my life have been kept a secret from my blogging.
I get attached and I have a hard time making detailed plans, because Life and Faith have a way of changing plans, and urging you to paths that you do not know. It has been out of fear or disappointment that I have covered up much of the details of my life.
I have been home with my family in Manti for the Holiday weekend, up in my old room there is a wall hanging that my sister received while participating in a pageant. The hanging is simple, but I have always loved it, it reads "Life is in the details." Life is in the details?
If so much of life is in the details than why have I sought so hard to keep mine buried, covered or forgotten? I don't know that answer for that right now, perhaps in this summer of purpose I will find the answers and the serenity to face the details with no fear of what they may bring with them.
I know that I want my descendant to have some record of what my life was like, and right now there's not much where that is concerned. I am starting to realize that we will go through many tough times of life, and sometimes it feels like we are stuck on a merry-go-round and it just keeps going around in circles, sometimes it's feels as if we are going through the same thing over and over, and sometimes it feels as if it will never change. The one thing though that does change is the details, and when I discredit them, it is as if I am going through the same thing over and over because I am not allowing myself to acknowledge the things that are changing and growing as I change and grow.
Details and attention to the details is the hope you have in being able to learn from one scenario so that you will not repeat it the next time it comes around. Details are what change this life from a merry-go-round to a Carousel, sometimes you are still going in circles, sometimes your still going through the same things repeatedly but when you notice the details and grow as they allow you to the ride isn't quite so wobbly and sickening. Sometimes you notice that the view from where you are sitting isn't half bad either.
I don't know if this makes any sense at all, it's just the musings of my mind right now. As a child I kept a journal and I would go back and remember the good memories and reread them when I was having a bad day. As an adult I remember the good days, but suppress myself from focusing on them so I am not disappointed when it never happens again, especially when it comes to men. What happened to the teenager that reflected on prom nights, and won basketball games when times got hard? And what is it about being an adult that keeps me pushing memories to the back of my mind so I don't get heart broken when the gleam in his eyes is gone?
Like I said I don't have any answers except that I know we are given good times to get us through the hard times, and it's time to start treasuring the details of life. So in this summer between what once was and what I dream for my future I hope I find the faith to believe in beauty of life, and hope in the small things. I hope I find the strength to believe in the men I date, and eventually in the man I grow to love. I hope I find Life in the details, instead of seeing details as a complicator of life . There is so much to believe in a hope in for the future, and you can't hind from the hope or you will be hiding from you are and who you can be.
Find the details, find life.
So I never write about details in my blog, or journals really for that matter. If you searched my room you wouldn't really find a journal or anywhere that I write down the details of my life. There is not much to be found written about the places I have lived, where I work, or the people that are in my life. I don't ever talk about the men that have broken my heart, with one exception, when I felt that the lessons learned would be more beneficial to other if they knew the cause of the heart ache. There have been rare occasions when I have given insight on Health issues I have struggled with. But all in all a lot of the details of my life have been kept a secret from my blogging.
I get attached and I have a hard time making detailed plans, because Life and Faith have a way of changing plans, and urging you to paths that you do not know. It has been out of fear or disappointment that I have covered up much of the details of my life.
I have been home with my family in Manti for the Holiday weekend, up in my old room there is a wall hanging that my sister received while participating in a pageant. The hanging is simple, but I have always loved it, it reads "Life is in the details." Life is in the details?
If so much of life is in the details than why have I sought so hard to keep mine buried, covered or forgotten? I don't know that answer for that right now, perhaps in this summer of purpose I will find the answers and the serenity to face the details with no fear of what they may bring with them.
I know that I want my descendant to have some record of what my life was like, and right now there's not much where that is concerned. I am starting to realize that we will go through many tough times of life, and sometimes it feels like we are stuck on a merry-go-round and it just keeps going around in circles, sometimes it's feels as if we are going through the same thing over and over, and sometimes it feels as if it will never change. The one thing though that does change is the details, and when I discredit them, it is as if I am going through the same thing over and over because I am not allowing myself to acknowledge the things that are changing and growing as I change and grow.
Details and attention to the details is the hope you have in being able to learn from one scenario so that you will not repeat it the next time it comes around. Details are what change this life from a merry-go-round to a Carousel, sometimes you are still going in circles, sometimes your still going through the same things repeatedly but when you notice the details and grow as they allow you to the ride isn't quite so wobbly and sickening. Sometimes you notice that the view from where you are sitting isn't half bad either.
I don't know if this makes any sense at all, it's just the musings of my mind right now. As a child I kept a journal and I would go back and remember the good memories and reread them when I was having a bad day. As an adult I remember the good days, but suppress myself from focusing on them so I am not disappointed when it never happens again, especially when it comes to men. What happened to the teenager that reflected on prom nights, and won basketball games when times got hard? And what is it about being an adult that keeps me pushing memories to the back of my mind so I don't get heart broken when the gleam in his eyes is gone?
Like I said I don't have any answers except that I know we are given good times to get us through the hard times, and it's time to start treasuring the details of life. So in this summer between what once was and what I dream for my future I hope I find the faith to believe in beauty of life, and hope in the small things. I hope I find the strength to believe in the men I date, and eventually in the man I grow to love. I hope I find Life in the details, instead of seeing details as a complicator of life . There is so much to believe in a hope in for the future, and you can't hind from the hope or you will be hiding from you are and who you can be.
Find the details, find life.
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